It’s one of the fundamental feminine desires: Your desire to be seen.
It’s what drives that 21 year old drunk girl to dance on the bar, then fall off of it into a trash can, then get back up on the bar. (An old friend of mine did this as we all watched it unfold.)
It’s also what drives you to agonize over the perfect earrings, the perfect shoes, and the perfect nail polish color…all of which you may only once in your life…but you needed those earrings, you needed those shoes, and you needed that particularly perfect nail polish that one time because simply nothing else would have done.
This desire to be seen may have also driven your career accomplishments, your contributions in the community, or even the style with which you parent your children.
And for all the reasons that your desire to be seen may drive you to say and do things that don’t quite feel in alignment with your Self, when you’re really seen, deeply seen, particularly by someone you love, there’s something mysterious that feeds you. It’s a certain kind of nourishment that just you just can’t find anywhere else.
It enlivens you. It brings you back to yourself. It makes you both calm and giddy at the same time. It makes you feel loved…or at least something close to it.
And all too often, the vast majority of women, in fact, I see you doing things that keep your Self from truly being seen.
If you desire to be seen, then you will want to be with a man who is capable of seeing you. If you don’t let yourself be seen, how will you know if he’s capable of seeing you?
Allowing yourself to be seen is a very vulnerable experience. Unfortunately, there are a number of men out there who can and will take advantage of this. For that reason, I suggest using discernment and some quick calibration to where the other man whens at when choosing to open yourself to being seen.
I’ve narrowed these things down to three fundamental things you’re doing that keep yourself separate and invulnerable, and as a result, unseen.
The energy here is that of pushing outward. Any persona has this effect, even if the persona you’re wearing may be one centered on vulnerability. It’s still a mask you’re wearing, outside of yourself.
You’re giving someone something that isn’t actually you, holding them at arm’s length.
When I meet a you at a persona you’re wearing, the impact on me and other men I know is that we get bored. If you’re with a man who desires to really connect with someone, and you disallow that with your persona, that conversation is going to end fairly quickly. Unless, of course, one of his personas is up and playing with your persona.
In the end, it will simply feel fake to a deep, solid man. And the reality is that it is fake. It’s not actually you.
Putting Up Walls
The second way that I see you keeping yourself from being seen is with the walls you put up around yourself. If your persona has the energy of pushing outward, putting up a wall feels like stopping the energy completely.
I want to make a distinction here between boundaries and walls. Boundaries are absolutely healthy. Boundaries are standards of conduct you choose to accept, or not, from others based on your principles and values. Boundaries come from your principles and values, first.
But when you put up a wall, your wall comes first from fear, uncertainty, and hurt. A wall is put up to protect you. When that wall is crossed, you move into the pain of fear, uncertainty, and hurt.
Another way of putting this is that, when a boundary is crossed, you don’t move into hurt (except for maybe that someone you care about didn’t respect your boundary), you simply acknowledge it with the other person and move on. But when your wall is broken down, it can be absolutely devastating.
In one way or another, us men are able to feel the walls you have up, guarding your heart. When a deep, solid man feels that wall you have up, he will meet it with compassion as he’ll also feel the walls he has in himself. As you get to know that man over time, he will want to work with you to lovingly bring down that wall between the two of you in your relationship.
Hiding / Holding Back
The final way that you will most often keep your Self from being fully seen is by hiding or holding back; wherever you don’t allow your energy to come through and out of you. Your energy in this sense is kept to yourself. Sometimes you may even keep your energy away from even yourself.
When you hold back – when you keep your energy in and hidden – this feels to a deep, solid man like you are uncomfortable with owning your own power, your own impact, you lack confidence in yourself, or you are uncomfortable with your own radiance. Taken a step further, you might say that you are also keeping back your gift from being given to the world.
Even more importantly, you disallow your own radiance, thereby withholding form yourself, the gift of your Self.
This kind of muted radiance can feel the way an olive color can sometimes feel like it’s holding itself back from a richer and fuller shade of green. You know that richer, fuller shade is there, it’s simply hidden behind a sort of gray undertone.
Allowing Yourself to Be Seen
When you do allow yourself to be fully seen for who you really are (and not simply attracting attention for the sake of getting attention), you’ll notice something shift within you.
Something within you may burn a bit brighter.
Your tank may feel a bit fuller.
Your heart, a bit more open.
Image Credit: 04deveni